Dear Parents,

This month we celebrate the love of fathers, and I want to share a personal story that has stayed with me deeply, one that I believe holds a valuable lesson for all of us navigating the beautiful, sometimes challenging, journey of raising children.

When her children were young, her elder son, in a moment of childhood impulse, bullied and hit his little sister, who was only five years old at the time. What happened next was remarkable. The little girl hit back to defend herself and then immediately told her mother exactly what had happened. Now, many of us might instinctively rush to separate the children and declare, “Fighting is wrong! You must love each other!” But my friend did something different. She looked at her young daughter and calmly applauded her act of standing up for herself. She said, “You have the right to protect yourself when necessary.” She did not punish either child, seeing that they had, in their own way, already sorted things out between themselves.

This incident might seem small, but its impact was lifelong. For the daughter, her mother’s validation became a cornerstone of her confidence. Though she grew up with a gentle and kind demeanor, she was never bullied by classmates. Today, she thrives in a highly stressful investment banking career, never feeling intimidated, and she credits her unshakeable confidence to her mother’s understanding and affirmation in that moment. And what of the elder brother? He learned a crucial lesson: physical strength did not grant him the right to abuse his sister. He discovered that he would be truly acknowledged and celebrated when he showed love and care. The result is a bond between them that has remained unbreakable, with siblings who support each other through studies, work, and life.

The lesson is clear. As parents, our goal must be fairness. We must teach our children to respect one another, not simply demand that the elder yield to the younger, or the other way around. When you model fairness, respect, and love for each child’s individual dignity, they learn to honor boundaries and build a genuine, lasting bond.

As a practicing counsellor, I have sat with too many adults still suffering from the traumatic unfairness of their childhood homes, where they were subdued into compliance just to maintain a false silence. Many of those siblings do not speak today. A harmonious home is not one without conflict; it is one where conflict is navigated with justice and respect. Let us build that for our children.