Please remember, everyone has felt lost.

But please remember, love is always there.

Remember to hold onto the fondest memories in your heart as you make new encounters.

I remember seeing the beautiful rainbow after rain.

Please remember the people who have travelled with you in your life journey.

Do remember that love always overcomes fear.

Remember to hold onto the fondest memories in your heart as you make new encounters.

I am grateful for all the good things in life, however short-lived they are.

After all, those memories are filled with love.

~ Translated from “Remember” in Chinese by Terence Lam

Dear parents,

September is an exciting yet challenging month for most of us.  Your children may be bidding farewell to their old friends by going to a new class or a new school.  While new friends and new experiences may bring some excitement, saying goodbye to good old friends and things can always elicit some reluctance or even grief which may be traumatic if it is not properly processed.

As parents, we need to observe our children carefully as they may not voice out their angst but rather act out in uncooperative or disruptive behaviour when they feel distressed.   Don’t be their first bullies in life by demeaning their adaptability.  At the same time, don’t gloss over their agony by saying they will get used to the new environment and new acquaintances in good time.  Listen to their worries with an open mind so that they are willing to share their concerns with you. 

What if your children are too young to articulate their anxiety?  Then you should observe even more closely and talk with the teacher.  I clearly remember bringing my young son Jason to his one-year-old playgroup in which the parent or helper could be there the whole time.  On one particular morning, I was there with him but some urgent matters popped up in the office, causing me to leave early.  I called our domestic helper to come but Jason didn’t stop crying after I had left.  According to the teacher, the helper didn’t show any interest or affection to Jason at all, and he started biting other kids.  Even the principal got bitten once.  Fortunately, the teacher was experienced enough not to put the blame on the child but reckoned we might have to get a more caring helper.  Thanks to this loving and perceptive teacher, we saved our son from his very early trauma in life. 

Sometimes, it is just a matter of compatibility.  When Jason was in grade 4, we moved him to another school that was a 5-minute walk from our home.  However, there seemed to be a personality clash between him and the homeroom teacher who was nearly 60 years old and had a rather strict classroom management style.  After a few meetings with the teacher, we decided to move him back to his old school where the American teachers were more liberal and apparently more accommodating of students who are intelligent but not easily focused.

Sadly, most of the traumas for school children come from their peers and those bad feelings could hamper their wellbeing.  Worse, they usually don’t tell anyone, let alone their parents.  A postgraduate student came to me for counsel as she found it hard to open up to her classmates.  During one counseling session, she recalled confiding her feelings for a boy in class to her best friend, but her best friend ended up telling the whole class. She felt betrayed and found it hard to trust anyone afterwards.   Another young man who is highly capable but often lacks confidence and stutters when asked to do public speaking.  When asked to reflect on his early life experiences, he recalled being ridiculed by his friends for being overconfident so that his grades dropped and he couldn’t retain his top position in class.

A new school year often comes with changes and is definitely a ‘crisis’ for most students. Remind your children to hold onto their fond memories as they make new encounters. Take time to observe and listen to them so that they can adapt to the changes and continue to thrive.